Oh dear, I have only updated this blog but 7 times this year, and already this entry is upon us. The Zoe panicking about what to do with her life entry. I hate that my panic is constantly written off. I am tired of everyone telling me that you "you don't need to know what you want to do RIGHT NOW!" Please tell that to every other dick and jane my age who seems to know the details of their future down to the minute of their last breath. I have been stuck in this great spinning orb of a cluster for as long as I can remember and the longer it continues, the tighter its grasp on me seems to be, and the more frightening it becomes! I'm sure the wallowing is unsightly.
My mom wrote me an email this winter fearing that my decision to rejoin the MCC was an impulsive one. The truth, of course, was that I had been harboring a desire to go back into the MCC since the day that I quit it. The decision to do it again was not impulsive, but as far as incorporating it into a life path.... Well, it seems that I am still at a cross roads.
Ultimately I am satisfied by my current state of affairs, but feeling unsettled about the future is a real drag. I just don't know what I want to commit to! My maturity, when contemplating what I want to make of myself and my life, seems to level off at about 13.
I was never much of a dreamer as a child, a tendancy that I have unfortunately carried on into my adulthood. Maybe it's time to start dreaming!!!
*stratches head
Love,
Zoe
1 comment:
I can empathize.
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