Self Confidence...it's all you need

I work with a woman named Kathy who doesn't know how inspiring she is. She is a big hearted, enormously hard working, earnest, single mother, and she's a realist so I can certainly relate to her. She strikes me as being one of those people that has learned how to become incredibly balanced throughout the course of her life experience.

She strives to be a good role model to Abby, being for her consistently at the end of each work day, making sure to tell her that she loves her every morning before school, allowing her to watch only a limited amount of TV, taking her hiking, showing her the importance of nutrient rich food.... I like to hear Kathy's ideas about how she has rebounded from a relationship that went sour as a single mid-30s woman, and how she has created a safe and healthy space for Abby to grow up in. She is inspiring. She has blazed a trail for Abby and for herself. She often talks about how badly she wishes she had a college degree. I usually try to downplay the importance of such things among people that don't have them, but I've come to learn that this is just showing a lack of appreciation for an amazing opportunity. So instead I say that I appreciated my experience, and that it helped me grow tremendously (which it did). For perspective she compared me to her 22-year-old niece who has a baby, hasn't completed high school, quits every job she gets, and enjoys an abundance of video games. I was rightfully embarrassed to even entertain the idea of downplaying college.

Anyway, I was sitting downcast in my cube yesterday, trying hard to understand what the F*&k I'm doing at work, and not believing, entirely, that I was up for the task, when Kathy came in and instigated another heartfelt discussion on life and living. I didn't bring up my downtrodden feelings, but we began discussing Amy' s (our boss's) bombshell merge of body and personality which Kathy decidedly attributed to self confidence, "If you have self confidence, you can do anything. It's all you need." She turned and walked out of the office and I wanted to smack myself.

Kathy carries on with her work, having no college education, and raising a child on her own, and her I am, a stupid lolly gager, with my $100,000 education, forgetting that I HAVE a WORKING brain, and that I'm really tripping over myself because i simply lack the confidence to try. Soooo...all of this being said, I am going to work very hard this week to line out goals for myself, aimed toward increasing my capacity to understand my purpose. Which sounds silly, but brick by brick people.