Four years ago.

Four years ago today...

I was wearing too much.  Because I thought Snowbeasts romped montana and I wanted to be prepared.  I had on a long sleeve cotton green blouse- like the kind you get for cheaps at target; a nice beige button up on over that with meandering green flower print.  Then, my fleece jacket. North face, a brand which seemed to be the end-all-be-all outerwear of midwestern college campuses.  My hair had been cropped for probably the 4th time that year into what finally resembled the pixie cut of the 20-something hipster that I was destined to become.  And let's not forget the nose ring, sparkling in the high noon sky, begging everyone to just LOOK AT MY HOT SEXY NOSE.  I was ready.

And what I did next was step off of a train and seemingly into the rest of my life.

I fell in love.  With a person; with a place; with a life that maybe wasn't meant to be mine forever, but was, without question, mine for a time.  For four years.  

I wonder if I will ever return.  I wonder if I will ever camp again. If I will ever hike. If I will ever have my way with the woods, the mountains, the streams.  I wonder if I'll be in love.  I wonder if I will ever meet another person, back home, who will understand what I miss, without me even having to say it.

Four years ago, today, was the beginning of something.  Now, here I stand again, at the next great jumping off point.  And I can't help, like I couldn't quite help then, looking back instead of forward.  Feeling sad, feeling happy, feeling exhilarated, feeling unsure, feeling reflective.  But this time, I'm not afraid.  I'm not scared of taking a chance on something new because I did it once, and it was incredible.  Four years ago, today, when I stepped off of that train, I knew I was home.

Love,

Zoe

May, 2008